Shoulda Woulda Coulda

How many times in a day or week do you find yourself saying, “I really should have…” or “I wish I could have…” or “If only I would have…”? Many of us say these lines without a second thought.
But, what value do they hold for us? When are these statements most helpful? Most of the time they feed our sense of guilt, shame, blame or regret. Rarely are they productive, unless used as a sincere reflection that’s genuinely positive or profitable for the future.
Lately I’ve found myself saying my own shoulda, woulda, couldas…surrounding my recent water skiing accident and eight weeks of therapy that haven’t brought about the healing I had anticipated. On top of that, we recently discovered through another set of x-rays and doctor visits that I was misdiagnosed originally…instead of torn muscles alone, we now know that I have two fractures that need the attention of an orthopedic specialist and a new regiment of therapy.
I’m left with a spiritual, emotional and physical dilemma… continually look back with regret, shame, blame and guilt? Or, look forward with lessons learned and a newly transformed prognosis for healing?
Shame, blame, guilt and regret are not good for the soul…I’m going to choose patience, joy, and a faith-filled anticipation of brighter days ahead.
What will you do with your “shoulda, woulda, couldas” this coming week?

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Steve Macchia

Founder & President

The Rev. Dr. Stephen A. Macchia is founder and president of Leadership Transformations, Inc. (LTI), a ministry serving the spiritual formation, discernment, and renewal of leaders and learners since 2003. For more than 20 years he has been the Director of the Pierce Center for Disciple-Building at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, where he also serves as an adjunct faculty member in the Doctor of Ministry Program. From 1989-2003 he was the president of Vision New England, the largest regional church renewal association in the country. Earlier in his ministry life, Steve was a member of the pastoral staff of Grace Chapel in Lexington, Massachusetts for 11 years. He is the author or co-author of 17 books, including The Discerning Life (Zondervan Reflective), and Crafting a Rule of Life, Becoming A Healthy Church (LTI), and Broken and Whole (IVP).  He and his wife Ruth live in the Boston (MA) area and are the proud parents of two married children and grandparents to three adorable grandchildren. Steve’s personal website is www.SteveMacchia.com.

My soul comes alive singing the great hymns of the church and enjoying the beauty of God’s creation. I’m in awe of God for fulfilling the dream for LTI that he birthed in my heart, for the team he has assembled, and the transformational impact experienced in the leaders and teams we serve.

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Mitzi Mak

Selah-West Faculty

Mitzi started her professional life as a high school social studies teacher. She and her husband Jerry then served cross-culturally for ten+ years, living abroad first in India and then Kurdistan, N. Iraq. In addition to being a Spiritual Director, she now serves as a Formation and Care pastor in her local church in Houston, TX. She has graduated from LTI’s Selah Spiritual Direction training as well as LTI’s Emmaus Formational Leadership Program.

Mitzi enjoys engaging conversation, reading fiction, doing jigsaw/crossword puzzles, ocean gazing and exploring the world with Jerry through food and travel.

God has two main callings in Mitzi’s life: to care for those who care for others and to be a guide in helping others have a healthy relationship with the Trinity – recognizing God’s loving presence and activity in their lives and how to faithfully respond.

Selah was a transformative experience for me – allowing the contemplative within to emerge and to beautifully co-exist with my extraverted personality.